I think of what could’ve been
What should’ve been had I not
Wasted all that time and energy fighting
For something that I should’ve known
Would’ve never been
I want to thank you for the times that were shared
The way you made me feel
The good, bad, and ugly
I don’t know how you put up with it
I was very insensitive and you,
So sensitive
It was very foreign to me
A man that could feel
But couldn’t feel to the extent of what I was
Feeling
I felt like everytime I tried to
Voice it,
You ignored it
There were times where I had to
Scream silently through words
You would take offense
Tell me how harsh it was
Tell me how much your feelings were hurt
That I had intentionally hurt you
Which was and wasn’t the case
It was unintentional in the beginning
But when you rolled over and bared your
Stomach I had found everything that made you tic
I wish you’d understand that feeling things were
Physical for me, too
When you said that you wouldn’t do anything
It broke me a little
Actually – that’s very untrue
It hurt me a lot
You basically called me vane
Called me a lot of names
But you never saw it that way
Because in your mind you were the
Peace Keeper the
Peace Maker
But in mine, I was the warrior
The one that never settled
The one that speared down bullshit,
Ruffled feathers, broken hearts, and murdered feelings
In my wake
So with this, my thoughts finally conveyed
I can be at peace with them
But I don’t know if I’ll ever be at peace knowing
That maybe there’s no one with the patience
To coexist with a warrior
Because I don’t need to be tamed.
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Monday, June 16, 2014
Raining Opportunity
Well my lovely friends,
Today has been quite the slow day. I've applied to various jobs while at work myself. I've only take two phone calls within a matter of a three to four hour time span. Like I said... it's been pretty darn slow. I got a phone call from John on Saturday... He was supposed to be coming back on Sunday, but that sure didn't happen. He was taken away only to possibly never heard from again. I'm trying my best to be patient. He has no control over his schedule. He's a Marine. And an Active Duty SEAL. what the hell did I expect from the jump? I don't think I was ready for that turn of events at all.
I'm beyond ready for him to come back. Larry is gone for about 2 months. My family (except for my dad) is Euro-tripping so I'm stuck here (technically with my dad, but not) by myself to keep me company. Or Shay comes over to hangout and we figure out what are we going to do.
Right now I'm just about ready to race home and strip out of these friggen clothes and throw myself on the bed. I just want to nap and this weather isn't making it any better. I've got an hour and twenty-two minutes left for this job to be over with today. TIME PLEASE GO BY FASTER.
Well, that's all I'm going to share for today. Hope your week flies by fast. I hope mine does, too.
Today has been quite the slow day. I've applied to various jobs while at work myself. I've only take two phone calls within a matter of a three to four hour time span. Like I said... it's been pretty darn slow. I got a phone call from John on Saturday... He was supposed to be coming back on Sunday, but that sure didn't happen. He was taken away only to possibly never heard from again. I'm trying my best to be patient. He has no control over his schedule. He's a Marine. And an Active Duty SEAL. what the hell did I expect from the jump? I don't think I was ready for that turn of events at all.
I'm beyond ready for him to come back. Larry is gone for about 2 months. My family (except for my dad) is Euro-tripping so I'm stuck here (technically with my dad, but not) by myself to keep me company. Or Shay comes over to hangout and we figure out what are we going to do.
Right now I'm just about ready to race home and strip out of these friggen clothes and throw myself on the bed. I just want to nap and this weather isn't making it any better. I've got an hour and twenty-two minutes left for this job to be over with today. TIME PLEASE GO BY FASTER.
Well, that's all I'm going to share for today. Hope your week flies by fast. I hope mine does, too.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Random Thoughts
Hello all,
It's a (more or less) 30 minute countdown til I'm out of work. I kinda want to just stay with them for at least a year or so. I think I would make a good assistant or something. It would've been great if this is a temp to permanent position. Because, then I'd be good. I mean, all I really do is sit a computer all day and just work or take a mini break and chat with my colleague (just realized I spelt colleague wrong on one or two resume's). WOOPS. Oh, well. What's done is done.
I need to find a new job if the one I'm at is only for two months. It's kind of sad... you know? I've been here for nearly two months and have had a pretty fun ride with the people who work here and the team I'm on. It's been fun. I guess I should pull my supervisor to the side and just ask or something.
Well, anyway. I've finished the book Arrest by June Gray and have had the chance to preview the next book, Surrender which will be out 'soon'. I'm so ready and beyond addicted to June Gray's books. I appreciate the ending of the book which was pretty good to say the least. But, I'm pretty sure everyone's wondered about what they look like in someone else's eyes or have thought about what someone else would think in times of certain situations. It'd be interesting to view it from an outsider's (but not really) perspective.
My mother and most of my family is about to board a plan that's going to make it to Europe. They're having a Euro-trip without me. Which is depressing in itself, haha. But, I let each of them know, all I want brought back to me is Swiss chocolate. And Swiss chocolate they better bring. That's for sure. I didn't tell her that I'd be having friends over tonight to watch movies on the big screen in her living room, though. I'm sure she'll hear about it later.
I also haven't heard anything from John and quite sometime. I hope everything is all right. I was extremely excited to hear from him on the 1st though. That was cool and I guess he did sorta forewarn me about not being able to talk to me all the time. But it's cute when he's excited. He talks as much as I do, maybe more. I miss him so much. I guess he can finally see that I really do miss him and want to show that I'm thinking about him with all the calls, voice messages, and texts I send. He must be thinking something along the lines of 'what the hell was I thinking.' Well, too bad sucka! You got sucked in and you're staying here with me for the long haul. I think I'm probably falling in l---. I won't say it, though. Not yet. But, I feel it. I almost wrote it out. Technically I did, but erased it just as quick. Well, thank for stopping by and checking out my random thoughts.
Toodloo,
Eden
It's a (more or less) 30 minute countdown til I'm out of work. I kinda want to just stay with them for at least a year or so. I think I would make a good assistant or something. It would've been great if this is a temp to permanent position. Because, then I'd be good. I mean, all I really do is sit a computer all day and just work or take a mini break and chat with my colleague (just realized I spelt colleague wrong on one or two resume's). WOOPS. Oh, well. What's done is done.
I need to find a new job if the one I'm at is only for two months. It's kind of sad... you know? I've been here for nearly two months and have had a pretty fun ride with the people who work here and the team I'm on. It's been fun. I guess I should pull my supervisor to the side and just ask or something.
Well, anyway. I've finished the book Arrest by June Gray and have had the chance to preview the next book, Surrender which will be out 'soon'. I'm so ready and beyond addicted to June Gray's books. I appreciate the ending of the book which was pretty good to say the least. But, I'm pretty sure everyone's wondered about what they look like in someone else's eyes or have thought about what someone else would think in times of certain situations. It'd be interesting to view it from an outsider's (but not really) perspective.
My mother and most of my family is about to board a plan that's going to make it to Europe. They're having a Euro-trip without me. Which is depressing in itself, haha. But, I let each of them know, all I want brought back to me is Swiss chocolate. And Swiss chocolate they better bring. That's for sure. I didn't tell her that I'd be having friends over tonight to watch movies on the big screen in her living room, though. I'm sure she'll hear about it later.
I also haven't heard anything from John and quite sometime. I hope everything is all right. I was extremely excited to hear from him on the 1st though. That was cool and I guess he did sorta forewarn me about not being able to talk to me all the time. But it's cute when he's excited. He talks as much as I do, maybe more. I miss him so much. I guess he can finally see that I really do miss him and want to show that I'm thinking about him with all the calls, voice messages, and texts I send. He must be thinking something along the lines of 'what the hell was I thinking.' Well, too bad sucka! You got sucked in and you're staying here with me for the long haul. I think I'm probably falling in l---. I won't say it, though. Not yet. But, I feel it. I almost wrote it out. Technically I did, but erased it just as quick. Well, thank for stopping by and checking out my random thoughts.
Toodloo,
Eden
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
It's Been Years
Wow. Is it sad that I forgot I had a blog? I guess this is the time where I can reinvent myself and just go on from there. My name is Eden. April Eden. I've been given many opportunities in love and I think maybe I've found the one that will make me happy and I'll be able to give him the same happiness he gives me. His name is John. I think that maybe this is the start of something great. He's given me a hope that I don't think I've been able to give myself in quite some time. There was someone before him that I thought maybe I could try and work it out with him, but it was to no avail.
John is 16 years older than me. We're both working towards a better tomorrow. We aren't too stuck in the now. He's the sweetest guy I've met. I genuinely feel that he's crazy about me because... well to be honest. I haven't a clue as to what in the world he sees in me. I'm younger, I'm pretty calm (well, unless something I want to happens doesn't I usually am), I'm his complete opposite. Female. Black. Curvy. Short. Short-Tempered. Younger. I guess maybe it's true what they say about opposites attracting.
I have no idea how my parents are going to feel about it. I've let my immediate friends know about him, though. So it isn't that no one knows about him. I think he's a little afraid of what my parents might say. I don't really care either way. I've told my step-father about him. Not about his age, my mom has heard me say a few things about him here and there. The best way to describe this situation is like Mama Lo and Papa Peltier from Dark Hunter's series. I'm the only girl, not the youngest. but the ONLY. The fact that he's afraid of what they'd think is so funny to me. I think once he meets them, he'll feel a little more relaxed. My parents are one of the most chilliest parents. EVER. Unless you mess with their kids (any alike). I mean, all they want to know is his social security number, license number, ID, and registration. I'm pretty sure once those formalities are out of the way, they'll be more docile in the end.
He's a Marine. He's loud. Unintentionally, but he is. He wants and needs the invitation to spoil me, but I'm pretty sure he'll never need that invitation. He sys it all the time that he wants to do this and that. I think he realized how genuine I am about him when he was quite for a bit and I kept blowing up his phone. I was so sad. I wanted more of him. I'd leave voice messages for him and such. To let him know that I was thinking of him at the point of time and to give him an update on what I was doing with myself. I know this probably sounds self-centered because it sounds that way to me at the moment. Well. More to come later. I think I want to document our conversations so I have them to read later on. I know that sounds creepy and obsessive. But what if we end up getting married and I think this would probably be the best gift ever. A reminder of where we came from and how far we've gotten.
John is 16 years older than me. We're both working towards a better tomorrow. We aren't too stuck in the now. He's the sweetest guy I've met. I genuinely feel that he's crazy about me because... well to be honest. I haven't a clue as to what in the world he sees in me. I'm younger, I'm pretty calm (well, unless something I want to happens doesn't I usually am), I'm his complete opposite. Female. Black. Curvy. Short. Short-Tempered. Younger. I guess maybe it's true what they say about opposites attracting.
I have no idea how my parents are going to feel about it. I've let my immediate friends know about him, though. So it isn't that no one knows about him. I think he's a little afraid of what my parents might say. I don't really care either way. I've told my step-father about him. Not about his age, my mom has heard me say a few things about him here and there. The best way to describe this situation is like Mama Lo and Papa Peltier from Dark Hunter's series. I'm the only girl, not the youngest. but the ONLY. The fact that he's afraid of what they'd think is so funny to me. I think once he meets them, he'll feel a little more relaxed. My parents are one of the most chilliest parents. EVER. Unless you mess with their kids (any alike). I mean, all they want to know is his social security number, license number, ID, and registration. I'm pretty sure once those formalities are out of the way, they'll be more docile in the end.
He's a Marine. He's loud. Unintentionally, but he is. He wants and needs the invitation to spoil me, but I'm pretty sure he'll never need that invitation. He sys it all the time that he wants to do this and that. I think he realized how genuine I am about him when he was quite for a bit and I kept blowing up his phone. I was so sad. I wanted more of him. I'd leave voice messages for him and such. To let him know that I was thinking of him at the point of time and to give him an update on what I was doing with myself. I know this probably sounds self-centered because it sounds that way to me at the moment. Well. More to come later. I think I want to document our conversations so I have them to read later on. I know that sounds creepy and obsessive. But what if we end up getting married and I think this would probably be the best gift ever. A reminder of where we came from and how far we've gotten.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Alabaster Rimmed Rainbow
Nakia:Another day in this white room
With the beeping of heart beats that
Eventually come to an end
A new patient comes rolling in my room
With veins on the outside clear with
The sustenance to keep her alive
Pulse beating and I wish I could die
Ny:Vomit crust on my collar and thick rings around my eyes
Emphasizing what the ambulance workers harassed me about
Those bastards laughed at my bad trip
My bad luck
The poison that the
D-Boys mixed in
To make one more quick buck
And now I’m here
Nakia:I see her crusted lips and I know
It’s another one of those crack fiends
The heroin addicts
Another one of those poppy smokers
Heavy eye lids that are purple, green,
Blue, red, and just damn,
The rainbow
Only it’s not something that little girls or
Boys dream about with sun-shined clouds
Ny:My baby beat me down
Made a rainbow out of my face in front of a crowd
Had me feenin
Shootin in front of my childrenI thought it was one thing
But it turned out to be heroin and rat poison
I cry out my regret and shame
Here in this all white stretcher
With its all white strapsIn this all white hospital
With its all white staff
But I still want that all white
Nakia:My patient with her clear veins on the
Outside is silently weeping, but not
For her children
Only for her current love that
She’s been yearning for and feenin’
I pick up the clipboard and diagnose
Her for the addict she is
Ny:The mother I was
And the woman I’ll never be
You scribble down on your notes to be filled under “crack fiends”
Lost in miscellaneous files
In the BLACK ONLY section of the cabinet
All the way in the back
Nakia:I ask her her name, she replies“Nig-ah” I mark her response on the clipboard of
Never ending notes
I ask again and she replies again“Nig-ah”
I reply “Ma’am your name is not that word
You’re making this difficult for me and you
Just answer the question
For I know you know your name
Ma’am, what’s your name?”
Ny:I should tell this college grad my name is “The River”
Named after the water pouring out my eyes
Run for cover
With salt kissed ripples on the cheeks of my two baby boys
Twins- born to live out the tsunami of me
Such a statistic- but who are you to judge me?
You ask me my name…
Well, I forgot it after the government made me a number
A percentage in the system
No, noI am not the river
I am…
Nakia:“Nig-ah!” she screams “I am only classified by these statistics and
Racial background
By black, with nonHispanic ethnicity!
I am the Nig-ah that
You see when your car gets broken into!
I am
The Nig-ah you know is looking at your
Wife- only we’re not, we’re just checking
Out her purse
I am the Nig-ah you want to see levitating
Off the ground with the assistance of the rope that’s tied around the
Tree. I am Nig-ah!”
Ny:The one God seems to have forgot
The one who was passed around to every cot
In that cursed orphanage where my mom left me to rot
I am the one you walk past in the street
Telling me you have no spare change in that huge purse of yours
Too stuck up to help me buy something for my babies to eat
I am the one you’re motioning for security to help leave
I am Nig-ah!
Nakia:I jump back to masque the emotions.
How does she know?!
I scream inside my head
Has she been following me?
I look at my clipboard, take my pen,
And write down “Needs psychiatric help,
Is delusional, and needs to be watched
Carefully”At the end I write
“P.S. (she knows)…”
I put the clip board back down and
Let the man with the white coat,
Alabaster skin, blue eyes, and blonde hair
Come in.
I whisper on my way out to him,
“She sees.”
“She knows….”
“It’s time to take her in…”
-Nydjah and Nakia
With the beeping of heart beats that
Eventually come to an end
A new patient comes rolling in my room
With veins on the outside clear with
The sustenance to keep her alive
Pulse beating and I wish I could die
Ny:Vomit crust on my collar and thick rings around my eyes
Emphasizing what the ambulance workers harassed me about
Those bastards laughed at my bad trip
My bad luck
The poison that the
D-Boys mixed in
To make one more quick buck
And now I’m here
Nakia:I see her crusted lips and I know
It’s another one of those crack fiends
The heroin addicts
Another one of those poppy smokers
Heavy eye lids that are purple, green,
Blue, red, and just damn,
The rainbow
Only it’s not something that little girls or
Boys dream about with sun-shined clouds
Ny:My baby beat me down
Made a rainbow out of my face in front of a crowd
Had me feenin
Shootin in front of my childrenI thought it was one thing
But it turned out to be heroin and rat poison
I cry out my regret and shame
Here in this all white stretcher
With its all white strapsIn this all white hospital
With its all white staff
But I still want that all white
Nakia:My patient with her clear veins on the
Outside is silently weeping, but not
For her children
Only for her current love that
She’s been yearning for and feenin’
I pick up the clipboard and diagnose
Her for the addict she is
Ny:The mother I was
And the woman I’ll never be
You scribble down on your notes to be filled under “crack fiends”
Lost in miscellaneous files
In the BLACK ONLY section of the cabinet
All the way in the back
Nakia:I ask her her name, she replies“Nig-ah” I mark her response on the clipboard of
Never ending notes
I ask again and she replies again“Nig-ah”
I reply “Ma’am your name is not that word
You’re making this difficult for me and you
Just answer the question
For I know you know your name
Ma’am, what’s your name?”
Ny:I should tell this college grad my name is “The River”
Named after the water pouring out my eyes
Run for cover
With salt kissed ripples on the cheeks of my two baby boys
Twins- born to live out the tsunami of me
Such a statistic- but who are you to judge me?
You ask me my name…
Well, I forgot it after the government made me a number
A percentage in the system
No, noI am not the river
I am…
Nakia:“Nig-ah!” she screams “I am only classified by these statistics and
Racial background
By black, with nonHispanic ethnicity!
I am the Nig-ah that
You see when your car gets broken into!
I am
The Nig-ah you know is looking at your
Wife- only we’re not, we’re just checking
Out her purse
I am the Nig-ah you want to see levitating
Off the ground with the assistance of the rope that’s tied around the
Tree. I am Nig-ah!”
Ny:The one God seems to have forgot
The one who was passed around to every cot
In that cursed orphanage where my mom left me to rot
I am the one you walk past in the street
Telling me you have no spare change in that huge purse of yours
Too stuck up to help me buy something for my babies to eat
I am the one you’re motioning for security to help leave
I am Nig-ah!
Nakia:I jump back to masque the emotions.
How does she know?!
I scream inside my head
Has she been following me?
I look at my clipboard, take my pen,
And write down “Needs psychiatric help,
Is delusional, and needs to be watched
Carefully”At the end I write
“P.S. (she knows)…”
I put the clip board back down and
Let the man with the white coat,
Alabaster skin, blue eyes, and blonde hair
Come in.
I whisper on my way out to him,
“She sees.”
“She knows….”
“It’s time to take her in…”
-Nydjah and Nakia
Sunday, March 1, 2009
wishing for a comeback...
have you ever wished for something to come back or make a come back?
i have those feelings when i want somehing really really back....say...for example...my dignity...lol...
i have those feelings when i want somehing really really back....say...for example...my dignity...lol...
Sunday, November 9, 2008
200 pounds beauty
I absolutely love this movie!!! I believe this on my top fave movie list... I felt the same way with the main character...although i can't carry a tune... nor am i that big... but i've had my doubts about myself and the fact that i kept/keep thinking about surgery... but i don't want any scar or side effects... so if i have to get it down smothely...i have to go slow i guess...
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